Jo struggled with staying on track with her nutrition and exercise goals. She’d do well for a bit, then she lost her drive. During one of our sessions, she said, “I will do anything to help someone else stay on track. Why can’t I do that for myself?”
She can’t do that for herself because, although she is willing and able to encourage and hold someone else to account, her personality type needs external accountability to do something for her benefit.
If you’ve read The Four Tendencies, by Gretchen Rubin, you’ll recognize Jo as an “Obliger.” It’s the largest group in that list of four, so she’s not alone. I’m also an obliger, and understanding that helped us both change our outcomes and has become a Superpower.
You’re an Obliger if you readily respond to external expectations but not internal expectations. Rubin says, “If there are no external expectations, Obligers almost always fail to complete the task, no matter how important it is to them.”
Your Superpower: Set up external accountability.
Many women are not good at prioritizing their needs, so if this is you, how will you do that? It takes some planning and thought, but it doesn’t have to be hard. What external accountability will you employ to meet your needs? Can you be creative? If it works in your mind and you will allow it, it will work.
Hear this: Your needs do need to be met. Your needs do matter.
Is it a group of friends? Choose carefully – are these friends who will actually hold you accountable?
The easiest is to hire a coach who will focus on you.
Another option is to use an accountability group of some type.
I used both to reach my goals. I continue to meet with a colleague, and we hold each other accountable for personal growth. I even use my dog, Ellie, as my accountability for my morning walk. She’s a much better puppy when she’s had a walk, which helps all of us, and it keeps me going out every day.
What would be most helpful for you?
