Emotional Eating Focus Week 4: Self-Sabotage

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Emotional “stuff” is the saboteur of any goal we set – or maybe don’t quite set.  In the weight loss world, the current thing is to be less rigid, just set a goal to be healthy and feel good.  

It sounds really great, and we do want to be healthy and feel good.  But what does it mean to you?  My coach always pushes me for specifics, because if it isn’t specific, it’s just hard to know when you’ve reached it.  Generally, we like goals we can see or at least envision. 

Still, like many of you, I may not set a specific goal, and it’s not just about weight loss or exercise.  It could be breaking or creating a habit, personal growth, career goals, or any other category of goal. 

What’s driving that bus?  To be honest, it’s often me being lazy about focusing.  Or it’s a lack of belief in being able to accomplish and maintain it.   Am I alone?

This is often how it goes, particularly in weight loss. We’re going along well, and then suddenly we see we’re miles off our plan.  Maybe it’s a vacation, a special dinner, or a random Thursday afternoon after a tough day.  That cake looks so good, or that place has a pretty cocktail or dessert or look at all that bread!  It may be a binge, or it may be a moment of indulgence, but we wake from our stupor next week and wonder what happened, followed quickly by feeling frustrated.  “I was going to do it this time!” or “It was one thing – how did I lose control?”

Yeah, that happens.  And it may devolve into, “Why do I think I can do this,” or “I’m not strong/special/deserving enough.”

We are so mean to ourselves.  The idea is that you can shame yourself into doing better, but that doesn’t really work, and it leaves a mark on our hearts.

How do we move forward?

Face the stuff.  If we never clean the inside of a mug, the tea or coffee stains continue to collect.  It’s clean on the outside – and basically clean on the inside apart from the stains. 

Our hearts and minds are the same.  We can spiff ourselves up and look good on the outside, but there are stains on our hearts, and until we face that, we can’t truly be free. 

I’m mixing metaphors here, but all the shame, negative memories and feelings, the reflex habits and actions will continue to drive the bus, and we may be oblivious or we may wonder why it keeps cropping up, but the resulting frustration continues until we face them and free ourselves to look at things differently and make different choices. But once you feel that freedom, it makes all the difference in the world.

If you’re ready or want to talk about getting ready, let’s talk.  [email protected]

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