We’ve been talking about the tools we have at hand and considering why, perhaps, we “forget” to use them. When we get really clear and really honest about our goals, then we can also get clear about whether or not we want to do the work to reach them. What does it mean to us versus what it costs us to get there?
Another thought about how we manage to “forget” tools is that maybe our beliefs are failing us. We cannot say, hand to heart, that we believe it’s possible. We’ve tried and tried and tried, but it has yet to work for us, and particularly for us – like there’s something wrong with us.
Know that feeling?
It’s hard to stay on track when you don’t believe you’ll ever really get there, isn’t it? We get into an overwhelming feeling of failure whether from our past or about our future. Why try? I’ll suffer through this diet or exercise program, and I’ll still fail, so what’s the use?
I know that feeling. So helpful, isn’t it?
So how do we replenish our faith in ourselves and the process?
Honesty: Are you doing what you know will work for you IF you will just do it? I know I’ve often complained about things not working fast or moving as efficiently as I’d like. If I’d been tracking, I could probably point out where the lapse occurs.
Honestly, when I know I’m likely to get off course, I’m also likely to avoid tracking my food and exercise. I don’t want to leave evidence, now do I? Does that help? No.
Yet when I do what I know works, it always does if I’m doing it cleanly, with good intentions, and kindly.
Do it for today: I know. We’ve broken our own promises to ourselves sooooooo many times. How can you come back from that? Just like with rebuilding your trust in anything else: One promise, one task, one day at a time.
What is it that you need to help you fulfill internal expectations? When you need something different to someone else, it’s not a flaw – it’s part of who I am –
So what do YOU need that will make it more likely you’ll succeed. Then we build on that. One promise to yourself at a time, then one task, one day. Slow and steady.
Be kind to yourself: How does it help you when you beat up on yourself for not coming through? Boy, do I know this twisted thought – if I punish myself, then I’ll be more likely to stay on track because I don’t want to feel this bad again.
Only problem is that when we punish ourselves, we need soothing, which feeds us right back into our issues. Yes?
So a radical idea – what if you forgave yourself, noted the change in behavior needed, and went on? Does that feel possible? I know, it might feel a bit weird, like you’re being let off the hook – and if you feel that way, maybe a chat would be helpful. If it does feel possible, then give it a shot. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend. It will make a difference.
What will you choose to believe about your possibilities? You always have been able to do what you truly wanted to do. How can we get you back to that place of truly wanting it?