Self-Sabotage: Growth & Healing


My friend had surgery.  She needed some time to heal, and did well initially, but then she got bored.  I encouraged her to allow her body to heal, and she said she’d rather grow, which of course, is a good thing.  It just wasn’t what she needed at that moment.  It’s just something she could do.

Here’s the thing:  Growing is about what we can do.  We have a bit more control because we can choose, we can work at it, we can adjust our methods when it isn’t working.  I get “to do” something, and growth tends to follow.

Healing is allowing something to come to us, which feels really vulnerable and out of our control, doesn’t it?  That’s because it is, and we don’t like that.  And a painfully SLOWLY slow process is just-Ugh!

We do have some part in it — – allowing others to help and being careful with what we do, so we don’t make things worse.  Again, vulnerable, and we can’t make it go faster. Dang it!

Yet, if we allow healing to happen, the growth comes as a natural result.  We get there in the end.  Just not necessarily in the manner we’d envisioned and not under our own steam. 

Think about your goals.  Typically, my clients want to “DO” something – do the diet, the workout, zip up the ladder in record time, or create this masterpiece overnight — or find that magical thing that makes it easy.  Yet we come up against barriers, stumbling blocks.  Very familiar stumbling blocks.

We’d “do” our way out if we could, but what we actually need is healing.  Something in our hearts or souls has been wounded.  That created the unwanted behavior or belief.  That bully on the playground, your mother said she didn’t want you when she found out she was pregnant, or a boss diminishing you regularly.  

If we don’t address the wounded places, it’s like trying to run on a broken leg.  We might get there, but we don’t do it very well, and it’s painful.

What’s yours?  Where did it come from? How long have you “managed” with it?  What would be different if it were healed? 

Managing, “doing,” gets us through, but it doesn’t heal.  We have to allow healing, and often we need someone to help as we’ve got used to it.   We’ve lost perspective.  Just this morning I Voxered with my colleague, and her perspective reframed the whole situation.  We can’t see it ourselves.  If we could, we would have let it heal a long time ago.

If you’re ready to heal those things that sabotage you, that drive you to eat for soothing or stress relief, let’s talk.  Get on my calendar or email me at [email protected]

Join me for a webinar on December 7th.  Register here:

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