When I was a chaplain resident, my supervisors gave me some pointed feedback: “You need to be more flexible and realistic.”
Ouch. I thought I was, even though my youthful sincerity was often tinged with an inability to adapt to an ever-changing script. Ahem.Learning flexibility, adaptability, and realism are key to building resilience. They’re deeply connected to strength, wisdom, and personal growth.
In high-stress moments—whether in leadership, weight loss, or breaking an old habit—being flexible is often what keeps you from breaking.
Small but powerful tools develop that kind of mental and emotional agility.
🔹 1. Rehearse Your Range
It’s easy to rehearse disaster – ever imagine what could go wrong and spiral from there?
Rehearse the range of possibilities:
- What else could happen—besides the worst?
- What might work out better than expected?
- What’s another way I could respond?
Mental flexibility prepares you to pivot rather than panic under pressure.
🔹 2. Ditch All-or-Nothing Thinking
All-or-Nothing sets you up for failure when reality isn’t the ideal, as it seldom is. Replace extremes with more spacious language:
- “Progress not Perfection.”
- “It’s a setback, not a total collapse.”
- “Adjusting, not starting over.”
Realism keeps you grounded and moving forward.
🔹 3. Use Reset Phrases to Build Adaptability
When plans unravel or tension rises, your brain needs a lifeline. Create a reset phrase, a mental cue to shift your energy.
- “I can adjust.”
- “This isn’t failure; it’s feedback.”
- “Let me pivot, not panic.”
- “It’s not ruined—just revised.”
Give yourself an internal anchor during external chaos.
🔹 4. Anchor Growth with a Symbol
Speaking of anchors, sometimes we need a visual.
When I was working hard to learn flexibility, I adopted an old Gumby figure as my symbol. He sat on my desk at first—then he started traveling with me as travel gives PLENTY of opportunities to learn flexibility, doesn’t it? Made for fun travel photos.
He wore a tissue “towel” by the pool.
He hung on bilingual signs in Wales.
He stood atop discarded statues of Ceaușescu and Lenin in Romania.
He even rocked a hula skirt and ukulele on a sun-drenched rock.
Silly? Yes.
Helpful? Absolutely.
It shifted my inner narrative. I wasn’t failing at being flexible—I was learning it. What symbol might represent a quality you want to develop?
