How did you get on with the two lists: What helps you live as your best self? What stops you from living as your best self?
Look back at your lists. Obviously, if it helps you live as your best, we want to keep doing that, find ways to enhance it. That’s life, isn’t it? We are energized by these things.
If it stops you from living your best, maybe re-evaluate that. How does it help you to hold onto that?
Yes, there may be circumstances that will require some time and effort to extricate yourself, or it may cross-swords with someone, or it may be really hard. But is it any harder than continuing to live the way you do? With the negative thoughts? The way you beat yourself up? The people or activities that don’t fulfill or support you? With the shame and guilt you can’t seem to let go of – whether or not it’s actually your fault? With the results from being driven to food or other substances and unhelpful activities for comfort or stress relief?
We’re not looking for people to blame – not even you. Most people do the best they can with what they have – if they weren’t taught something, they can’t teach it to you. We need to give some grace – liberally – to others as well as to ourselves.
Here’s a truth: Blame never heals. It shifts something, but it keeps you attached to it, and that will not heal your heart.
What does? Showing kindness and grace. Being kind to yourself as well as others lifts the burden. It opens your heart to other possibilities. It doesn’t change the situation, nor does it make it okay that it happened, but it does set you free.
That would be lovely, wouldn’t it?
I hear you – it’s not easy, is it? We’ve been feeling the hurt or doing something this way for a LONG time, so it might take some time to change the habit or relearn things whether that’s remembering to use a tool, to trust ourselves to come through on our promises to ourselves, or simply to be kind to ourselves.
How do we do that? Just like any change we want to make.
First, we need to know what we’re working toward – that focus and clarity we talked about.
Then we need to find our motivation, our why. Finding and living your best is a pretty powerful motivator, but you word it so it’s compelling for you.
Accountability is key here. It’s so easy to slip back into old habits, especially when you’re trying to do something that isn’t easy to do. You may need a reminder; you may need support. Many choose a coach to walk with them through it. Like a Sherpa, a coach guides you along difficult passages, challenging where you’re stumbling and holding your goal before you. Can you get there on your own? It’s possible, but isn’t that what you’ve been trying to do? Setting up a method of accountability will get you further faster.
If I can be helpful, don’t hesitate to contact me through packyourownbag.com
